running

I need to figure out a better way to deal with my problems. But this way is so much easier. Had a really terrible couple of days. Couldn't talk to matt because he wouldnt pick up his phone and me quickly turning into an emotional wreck i sent him a fairly aggravated text along the lines of why do you pay for this is you never pick it up. I guess I called all those time to not talk to you. (I normally call once and if he doesnt pick up i leave it and move on. )But last night I sent him a few texts and called several times as a hint i really wanted to talk to him. So he called today and I vented my emotional garbage on him and stuff and then we are chatting on facebook and i start playing 21 questions but using it as a state of the union sorta thing. what do you like about me. what don't you. have i ever made you mad? have i ever made you frustrated? ect. pretty normal stuff but then he is like, there is something i want to talk to you about in person and im like ?....????????

so he was like dont worry! blah blahbljahdhjsd i love you ect its not bad. but im like wtf. you don't just say this to me and then not tell me whats up..... So my initial reaction is to breakup with him before he can leave me... i know this is wrong but i can't help it. I run.

I am a fast runner. 15:50 2 mile. Just sayin, i can be gone befr ehe knows anything was wrong.... terrible response to stress.... in othe rnews weighed myself...126! oh hell yeah!

so this is love

Well lots happened this weekend...Matty got here on Friday. I did merch for their show and they wrote a new song. Guess the title? Love....haha so i guess you can predict the other news i have for you haha. Sat morning we went to breakfast and coffee at our fav little french place and matt was showing off his french skill and i was translating what i could remember from back when i could speak that language. so then he says je ne parle pas jhsiajepiojwa and mumbles the end and i was like you dont know how to say?.... and he was like i dont know how to tell you i love you. I said it back. I mean it. But it terrifies me. I keep falling in love and each break up is worse than the last and i'm scared that the next one will just make me into one of those cruel mean girls that i hate when they date my guy friends.

Steff said something the other night on this subject that I really like a lot. She said:"The first time you fall in love, it's exactly that, you fall, and you run around (flailing arms around) AHHH IM IN LOVE!!! But every time after that it's more like you surrender. You have to let your gaurd down and let that person in. You know that you are giving them power over you and your life and your happiness." And that's how I feel. Like I have to work to let him get close, but the idea terrifies me.

I can talk to him for hours and it never gets old. We can fart and burp around eachother and its not gross. and he does leave the room to do these things normally but it happens sometimes lol. And when i tell him things hes okay with them. Like my past and some of the more terrible things i have done. He dosn't judge me or hate me for them or think i will be that way again. And when I say I want to do this or that or the other in my future he says We will do that, We will find a way. And Its crazy but he does, is. I want to own a record company and work merch and promote bands and he is like, well lets go meet rock stars, this college has a good music program, this one has a good business program. He is always planning a future.
This also terrifies me.

haha so im scared of commitment but i cant let someone this amazing pass me by. So i will deal with whatever comes my way and try to always do right by him and I guess I will just see where that takes me.

falling behind

I have been slacking on this blog thing. lol been BUUUUSSSYYYYY! lol had tests and studying and im trying to workout again because i gained hella weight over the past few months. Its hard to juggle everything and find time to get on here and write stuff. Plus its all pretty much the same old same old lol. Drama with friends happy with matt. lol school is dumb and i hat ethis language and i fall behind the rest of the class more and more each day. im studying as much as i can stand but since i hate the language its hard to devote much time to it. oh well. i have been hanging out with steffanie lately. she is an amazingly sweet and wonderful person who constantly brightens my day. We go places and talk girly stuff all the time. I love it =] She just got a new boyfriend so i hope we dont stop hanging out because of it. i really need someone fun to hang out with and she likes to just sit and not do anything in particular which is my most favorite activity lol.

Okay i have homework and i want to go to eat village tonight for open mic. NO! im not singing but my friends are and its a good walk there and i should get some excercise in today =] but i need to go to bed early tonight b/c i have a pt test tom and i dont want to be exausted tomorrow. Matty might be here tomorrow !!!!! either tom night or fri morning he said =D okay homeowrk time xoxoxo

احب قراء

I am studying Arabic in college. And I suck at it so hard. So I have subscribed to several arabic blogs. I hope that by reading their own personal views on the world and seeing their daily struggles will help me care enough to study. Or if I am reading these things on the regular then maybe I can pick up the language a little better. =]

This is the back of my homework book. =]

Today in class, we were reading about t.v. shows and how they are controlled by the government. My teacher, herein after referred to as Heir Doctor, said, "The real controllers are Larry King and his gang of stupids." He then went on a rant about how Larry King must think he is stupid because he will watch this but if he "skips this stupid I must watch another stupid." I don't know if this makes you laugh but it does make me laugh. He is such an opinionated little guy.

Other than that I paid my bills today! YAY! apparently Sallie Mae has been dogging my credit for a while. No new car for me =/ *BUT i paid off the extra stuff that i owe. so that's good right?

Long weekend this weekend. I don't know what I want to do. I have to save money though because Matt will be here next week. I got him an awesome present for Valentines day <3 I can't wait for him to be here.I want to be all snugly in his arms again. Makes me soooo happy.

This is us.
These are our faces.
We are the coolest people you will ever meet.