so this is love

Well lots happened this weekend...Matty got here on Friday. I did merch for their show and they wrote a new song. Guess the title? Love....haha so i guess you can predict the other news i have for you haha. Sat morning we went to breakfast and coffee at our fav little french place and matt was showing off his french skill and i was translating what i could remember from back when i could speak that language. so then he says je ne parle pas jhsiajepiojwa and mumbles the end and i was like you dont know how to say?.... and he was like i dont know how to tell you i love you. I said it back. I mean it. But it terrifies me. I keep falling in love and each break up is worse than the last and i'm scared that the next one will just make me into one of those cruel mean girls that i hate when they date my guy friends.

Steff said something the other night on this subject that I really like a lot. She said:"The first time you fall in love, it's exactly that, you fall, and you run around (flailing arms around) AHHH IM IN LOVE!!! But every time after that it's more like you surrender. You have to let your gaurd down and let that person in. You know that you are giving them power over you and your life and your happiness." And that's how I feel. Like I have to work to let him get close, but the idea terrifies me.

I can talk to him for hours and it never gets old. We can fart and burp around eachother and its not gross. and he does leave the room to do these things normally but it happens sometimes lol. And when i tell him things hes okay with them. Like my past and some of the more terrible things i have done. He dosn't judge me or hate me for them or think i will be that way again. And when I say I want to do this or that or the other in my future he says We will do that, We will find a way. And Its crazy but he does, is. I want to own a record company and work merch and promote bands and he is like, well lets go meet rock stars, this college has a good music program, this one has a good business program. He is always planning a future.
This also terrifies me.

haha so im scared of commitment but i cant let someone this amazing pass me by. So i will deal with whatever comes my way and try to always do right by him and I guess I will just see where that takes me.