falling behind

I have been slacking on this blog thing. lol been BUUUUSSSYYYYY! lol had tests and studying and im trying to workout again because i gained hella weight over the past few months. Its hard to juggle everything and find time to get on here and write stuff. Plus its all pretty much the same old same old lol. Drama with friends happy with matt. lol school is dumb and i hat ethis language and i fall behind the rest of the class more and more each day. im studying as much as i can stand but since i hate the language its hard to devote much time to it. oh well. i have been hanging out with steffanie lately. she is an amazingly sweet and wonderful person who constantly brightens my day. We go places and talk girly stuff all the time. I love it =] She just got a new boyfriend so i hope we dont stop hanging out because of it. i really need someone fun to hang out with and she likes to just sit and not do anything in particular which is my most favorite activity lol.

Okay i have homework and i want to go to eat village tonight for open mic. NO! im not singing but my friends are and its a good walk there and i should get some excercise in today =] but i need to go to bed early tonight b/c i have a pt test tom and i dont want to be exausted tomorrow. Matty might be here tomorrow !!!!! either tom night or fri morning he said =D okay homeowrk time xoxoxo

been slackin

nothin much has been happening except drama. Aaron is ignoring me except when he rubs his new girlfriend in my face…her name is slutty mcslutterson….she is a cunt btw. I'm just done with this place and all the things that have been happening. And I can't be his friend because all i want to say is "HEY DUDE! You're screwing up your life!!!!" but he gets mad every single time i say that. So being his friend means being quiet and I can't do that very well. I wanna leave here now. I miss being a normal person and when i felt this need to pack up and move i could. I would.

Anyways matt will be here soon. I'm super excited! I can't wait to be around my one problem-free, drama-free person. He makes me happy, calm. He's gonna teach me to surf. =]

The beatles had it right...

I feel like everyone is just running around. They are all moving so fast. Everyone is scheming and planning "for the future". But they don't realize that what we have is right now. That now is good enough and if you could just let go for a few moments a day, you could be content with it. Maybe even happy for a moment. I get it. Your future is important, but your missing out on your youth. I want to have a nice house and a new car and make lots of money and have a happy family but I also feel it's important that by that point that I have lived a full and good life. To be able to say, I have been there, I have done that, I know how to handle this. I know when to move to the side because the shit is about to hit the fan. Everyone seems too close to realize that what they are doing isn't the best decision. They always need to be moving, be with someone, controlling the music and driving too fast, too close to another car. But what happens when the people are gone? What happens when the car breaks down? You have no one but yourself sometimes. And I'm afraid that my friends have never had to cope with the toughest of things in this world: being alone with only them and their own thoughts. Why can't people just let it be?

Officially boycotting February

So this will be long but i dont feel like telling everything. I've been procrastinating uploading this because I need to upload the pictures from Matty's show on Sat. and the art show on Sat. So Matt was here and I was super happy. That kid really makes me feel...idk like im at home again. Aaron said he was more upset by it because he never saw me that happy and now he kinda gets why I want to be with a guy who doesnt live anywhere near me. Matt's just super laid back and he lets me deal with my problems and only gets involved when I ask him to. And he never gets too far. IDK. I like it when I have my life and he has his. We give each other support and advice but we don't feel overwhelmed and the need to take care of each other. We are both really independent people. It's nice. That was my gush <3

So we went to this art show with the band on Sat. at this great little coffee shop a few miles away from where I live. It's called Sweet Elena's [sp?] in the artsy warehouse district on Monterey, if there could be a warehouse district. The area is only four blocks haha but such is the curse of trying to make a tiny small town sound cool. haha. Then we ran around with the band and went to the show. I love their music! Go and check em out.

www.champagnesunday.com

And he made me a pop up card for Valentines! haha got me invader Zim keychain and underwear and hair ribbons. Which may sound lame but everything was super cute and he remembered all the things i randomly point at when we went shopping this past december. That is amazing. And life has just been crazy all around. Matt's gone again and people keep getting mad at me for stupid things and I can't seem to hold my tongue any longer. And people don't like for me to make the fact that I'm mad known to them (this apparently hurts their sensitive feelings) so then i get super pissed b/c I spend hours a day listening to their problems and emotions but I can't get 5 - 10 minutes to vent at the end of a crummy day? Something is going to have to change soon. I really can't handle being all quiet and telling people I'm fine when I'm not. I'll explain more later b/c I really don't feel like it now. I have basically been unwillingly involved in two major cases so I am in and out of police stations and lawyers offices everyday.... meh.

The update.

So Matty got her yesterday! yay! haha i have pictures of him opening his valentines present but i cant upload them at present. I got him ear rings, or gauges rather. haha i buy him earrings and he cant buy them for me. its at least sorta funny. but we met up down town. i wore an adorable babydoll dress that i found for three dollars this weekend when thrift store shopping. =] so we were all cute and kissing on the sidewalk for like 30 minutes. kinda gross for passersby im sure. oh well. =p

so then we went and got food and shopped for a while and ended up at east village for open mic nite. Then aaron showed up with tesa and alex....went well actually matt and aaron seem to have a total bro-mance lol. aaron said he really respects matt and can tell we are happy together. so we sat outside and played music and sung. then me n tesa pulled a total high school moment and snuck to the car to down a bottle of whine. haha. matt came up on post and watched "Lonestar State of Mind" with me. Have you seen it? You should! Then we cuddled all night =] cant wait to get out of school to see him again!

Harry Truman

Let's see, what's happened since last we spoke? Thursday night was fun. It was the las day of work until Tuesday. Went shopping with Baney face, Whoerle, New Kid, Tesa and Alex. Then went back to Jaimee's where we preceded to get drunk. This is a common place for the drinking to happen. She lives about a block from a decent local hooka bar, Indian Summer. We always get super dressed up and go make asses of ourselves flirting our way through as many free drinks as possible and dancing all night. We didn't hit up the bar this time though.

It was all great until Aaron showed up. Him and Tesa sat outside for a good hour where he pined out his broken heart to her, making me extremely uncomfortable. Can you guess who he blames for this new found heartache? Apparently yours truly. Now before we get to pointing fingers at me and calling me all sorts of terrible names let me tell this story to you in full. Aaron got here about a week after I did. We met and I thought he was cute so we hung out and eventually we kissed. Aaron was fresh out of a relationship and was adamant about not getting into a new one. We fought all the time and so we broke up, or whatever you would like to call it. Fast forward until the end of my next non-relationship and I'm broken hearted and crying on the floor. Aaron runs to the rescue and we ar

e together again.

The big issue is I didn't know we were actually together. We were in his head but he neglected to inform me of this. I would like to put in a disclaimer for the future that if you neglect to tell me we are exclusive then I will continue to see other people until I find someone who does want to date me. Plus Aaron was still talking to two of his Ex's, which made me uncomfortable. I told him about this but he still did it. If you are in a relationship with someon

e shouldn't you respect her wishes on such a

touchy subject? So he went to jail and I met Matt. Matt likes me and wants to be with me. We can talk for days and he understands my past, which is something rare, seeing as I have a lot of it. So naturally I want to be with him. Now Aaron is back and I want to be his friend but he seems to cross the boundary lines I have set pretty frequently, leaving me to tell him to just not touch me.

Friday night: Aaron, Tesa, Alex and I were invited to a party by Stef-f-any. We pronounce it this way. We get to her apartment only to find out that she has been in a wreck, which coincidentally we were right behind on our way up to her place. So instead

of the happy little party we expected, we spent the night at the hospital. Steff is fine, possibly a broken leg, we never did find out. There were 5 other people in the car with her though. On

e guy has a broken leg, he is missing the skin that used to be a tattoo on his arm. Another guy had glass in his face. The other are ok except the driver. She had a brain hemorrhage. I don't know how she turned out. I'm hoping she is ok. She got taken all the way to San Jose to be treated. It was rough being there though. I was at the hospital with no one I knew and everyone is crying and laughing hysterically, dealing with the sudden news of it all in their own person

al ways. There were people from the wreck going around in wheel chairs in shock and freaking out and crying. The driver's family was there. Her brothers w

ere crying. Her mom was being a solid rock and dealing with everything so wonderfully. Her dad was sitting and staring at the wall like the world didn't matter. It was terrible.

When Aaron came up to get me from the hospital, we were driving home and he was ranting and raving about the stupidity of kids and how they almost killed Steff. I understand his point of view but the driver is the worst off and if anything it was her fault. He shouldn't wish anything worse on her, but he was. When people yell it makes me nauseous and scared so eventually I told him to calm down and we got into a fight. He told me to just leave him alone from now on. Oh well. I can't do anything right with that boy and I am truly sick of trying to be correct with him. So that is my weekend so far.

Well tonight started out so good. Steff got in a wreck. Some of her friends are pretty messed up. Say a prayer or whatever you do for them. Please.